Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize