The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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