Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Damn victory sex feels great
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
