We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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