My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
