I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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