I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
