apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
