Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
