He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
