how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
