She's JV to your varsity
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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