Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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