remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
