I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
