my soul wont recognize me after tonight
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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