did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
