Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
