I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
