Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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