I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize