You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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