im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize