you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
