out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
