apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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