You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
