Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
