Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
