I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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