The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
