I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
