Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
