So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
