Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
