im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Randomize
