seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
