im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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