And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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