A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
