I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
