Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
FUCK WHALES
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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