i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
