You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
