my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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