discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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