like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
