woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
