im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You pole danced in your parka.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
