pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
